I kind of took this past week off from social obligations to focus a bit on recovery. I’m currently on a stationery no-buy (my stash is taking over two of my drawers of my desk at this point and I’d like to use up some more of it before I start buying more ), and missing my meds that one day last week kind of threw me, and I just wanted to take some time to relax and kind of remember what it is exactly that I like to do. pasocon

a friend of mine started up Save and Load Club, a book club for visual novels, which I’m looking forward to participating in, because I could absolutely use the motivation to actually finish a vn, which I haven’t done in some time!! The last time I actually finished a VN was Higurashi ch1 back in like…2020?? I’ve started a bunch since then, and gotten pretty far in some of them, but haven’t finished any since…

my partner and I have been talking about me starting up playing ffxiv again recently. I know my old habits with the game were not very good, but he and I both think I’ve learned enough from therapy and had enough time putting those ideas into practice to where I won’t let it consume me again like it did before. I think when I first started playing, I had recently gotten out of the hospital and it was in the middle of lockdown, so it was a pretty desperate time, and it was my lifeline to the outside world, so I was especially vulnerable to the kind of pull it had on me.

I’ve already told my friends & guildmates that I’ll be returning soon, probably before summertime is in full swing. I have mixed feelings about starting up again, I’m definitely worried I’ll fall into old habits, but this time I have a safety net going in and I’m better at setting and adhering to my own boundaries, so I guess we’ll see how it goes! I miss all my friends, so I’m also really excited about getting to see them again!

I haven’t been able to motivate myself to play any more Baldur’s Gate 3 in like…two weeks now? It feels like an eternity. The story is good and compelling, it’s just extremely heavy and I’m not really enjoying it all that much unfortunately… I feel awful putting off my play sessions with my friend, but this is all part of that “adhering to my own boundaries” stuff I mentioned before. I’m not gonna make myself do things that I don’t want to anymore, even if it’d really make them happy. Sometimes, it feels selfish, but I know it’s what I have to do to be healthy, so I’ll stick with it even if it feels a little self-important at times…(my therapist would be so proud!)

here’s hoping next week will continue being calm, as I’m still recovering from my frazzling last week by messing up my med schedule…I know this amount of stress isn’t good for me, so I’ve been trying to focus more on being calm lately.

I hope you’re all looking after yourselves too and remembering to drink enough water! We’re the only ones looking out for ourselves, so it’s important that we be our strongest ally. Anyway, I hope this blog post finds you well, and have a good weekend!